“You’ll still play for me, right?”
For the years you were together, it was just simply,
magical.
Everything felt right, everything felt wrong, all at the same time.
All those fights, all those arguments,
they were always followed by loving arms pulling you close.
They were always followed by kisses you’d always want to taste, you’d always want to remember.
He treated you like a queen when all he promised was to make you his princess. He made you his universe even though he only told you, you were his world.
“I think, you can’t help but to give everything to the one you love”
You know the faint smile on your lips is visible to everyone who would walk by and see. You continued to smile as you held on tighter to the railings, feeling your knees tremble as you held your weight up your feet.
You could still remember everything; and you were thankful.
You could still remember how he holds you close, every night, every day. How he never used his hands to hurt you, let alone, even pluck a single hair out of your scalp.
And when he knows you’re on the verge of crying? He’d make the silliest jokes, the funniest faces, and the sweetest gestures just so you’d smile, for him.
When nightmares come, he’d always be by your side, he’d always hum to you the songs you’d play on the piano. But hearing his heart through his chest, was enough to be lullabies for you.
And when you would inspect something up close, you’ll look up, and find him staring at you with a smile.
You didn’t know why, but he always does it when you hold something up for better inspection.
It’s just that, you can’t help but notice every little detail about everything, and anything. It was just a part of you; and little did you know, he loves it when you do.
You would always notice, and rant about, how the world was such a cruel place and your belief in happy endings will begin to falter.
But at the faint taste of his lips, you begin to believe he was by your side.
He was your happy ending, after all.
You would notice how he would always do everything, and anything, for you, and only you.
You notice a lot of things, about a lot of people, about a lot of your surrounding.
But him?
He only noticed you.
You, and nothing else.
He noticed how you always had this, frustrated look on your face whenever you noticed something wrong, or how you would smile vaguely whenever you liked what you noticed.
He noticed how there’s a slight change in your voice whenever you would laugh.
He noticed how you would stay silent whenever something’s wrong that you’re not telling him about.
“You suck at lying” he would always point out.
He noticed how you would always want to stay calm whenever you get angry, just so you wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
He noticed how you would just, instantly get excited as you see your favorite instrument, your favorite friend, your favorite affair.
He noticed how you would play it to keep yourself calm, or you’d play it when you’re too happy, or too nervous, or sad.
It was where you let yourself out, and he noticed that, too.
He noticed how you would, fall in love, over and over again with every note you hit, with every sound you make.
He noticed how you’re fingers would lovingly dip into the piano, and start playing melodies he believes only you could play.
He noticed how you always gave your heart to what you love,
take him, for example.
He noticed how you would look up to him with a smile as you finished a song.
He noticed how you would, take a deep breath and start right over when you hit a note wrong, no matter how close you are to finishing.
He noticed that spark in your eye whenever you got that song right for the first time.
He noticed, he always did.
“I think, you can’t help but to give everything and do anything to make the one you love, stay by your side”
He noticed how your fingers would slow down every once in a while.
He noticed how you fell asleep at the most random times.
He noticed how you weren’t eating anymore.
He noticed how you lack of sleep, every night, every day.
He noticed how you needed help.
He noticed, he noticed, he noticed, over and over again.
It’s just that,
he noticed a little too late.
He has his eyes, only for you, that he didn’t notice, the world was spinning. He didn’t notice how time has passed by.
He didn’t notice days have gone by;
days that turned into weeks;
weeks that turned into months;
and months that turned into years.
He didn’t notice how crinkles were visible on both of your faces.
He didn’t notice how time was flying so fast, so quick, right out of his grasp.
I need more. I need more. I need more
Every single day, it was his thought, it’s what ran in his head every time he’d wake up, every time he’d fall asleep;
it was his prayer.
He prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
Prayers for a life.
It was pricey, and sad to say,
he didn’t have enough.
“I don’t think I’d be able to live without her”
All he noticed, all he ever noticed, right from the start, right from the beginning,
was how he has everything he could ever wanted; You.
You might not have given him a family he’s always dreamt about, but you gave him your heart when he only asked for your love.
Whilst he is asking for more, you think both of you had already exceeded; you were ready, and sad to say, but so should he be.
“Thank you” you whispered to the lady who made it possible for you to play again. She gave you a smile that reminded you of so much from your memories.
You sat down on the familiar bench, feeling its coldness.
“Is she here?” You smiled at his voice.
You felt him sit down beside you, staring at the black and white keys. You could hear his heart in the silence that was given to you.
His presence may have given you enough strength to stand and walk, his voice may have given you enough time to manage,
but his heart, the beat of his heart gave you enough notes to play in a single melody.
It would usually come from your own, but you’re just not so sure if it can give you enough notes to comply with.
But his?
His heart gave more than enough, and you wouldn’t mind playing those notes, as long as he gets to listen, as long as he realizes how much you would want to stay beside him, and hear his heart, forever.
But time was slipping away; and so is life.
“You’ll still play for me, right?”
You smiled and nodded. He’s always asking, every day when you wake up, every night just before you close your eyes.
He’s scared.
He’s afraid.
You felt the old feeling of youth and freedom as your fingers started playing the notes you could hear from his heart.
After all these years, he couldn’t believe he could still feel such an intense feeling in his veins whenever you would play; never less, never more.
The sound was synchronizing with his heart, which he could hear beating loudly, raggedly against his chest.
You closed your eyes as your fingers slowly, but surely hit the right notes.
You wouldn’t mind playing forever; as long as he would be your masterpiece.
He was a single note, but even so, a single note completes a sonata;
and that’s you.
You wouldn’t know how to end your sonata without him, and now that he’s here, you’re complete, everything is.
And so, you end our sonata with one final tap on the white key.
You withdraw your hand as you open your eyes. You looked up to him with a smile and he looks down on you with teary eyes.
He knows what’s about to come, and he has a hard time accepting it.
He fears of you leaving his side.
And so are you, but you want to be brave, for him.
You want him to know you’re okay, you will be okay.
You didn’t want to see him in his broken state.
It would be harder to let go, of the melodies, of him, of you.
And so, you closed your eyes once again as you let your head lean on his broad shoulders, that even after all these years, it had managed to stay as it is.
Some things haven’t change,
just like your love.
You know he’s scared; and he is.
He really is.
It kept him awake at night and if dreams can visit you when you’re awake,
so can nightmares.
He’s scared you’ll leave him, he’s scared he won’t wake up to you, and just see an empty spot on the bed.
He’s scared he’ll be alone, in this world full of people.
He’s scared he won’t hear your melodic notes anymore, that he wouldn’t mind hearing for the rest of his life.
He’s scared that, when you leave, you’ll take his heart with you, and just leave an empty, hollow place; but he knows you won’t. Even though his heart wants to come with you, he’s sure you’ll make it stay where it is.
“Forgive me for being scared, my darling”
He’s just plain scared of what was about to come,
he’s just plain scared of reality itself.
But you’re not.
You know he’ll survive.
You know he can do it without you.
His life started without you,
and it can end without you, as well.
And you know, that even though you’re not with him anymore, he’ll still ask.
“You’ll still play for me, right?”
And you will, it’s just that,
he has to listen to his own heart in order for him to hear.
thoughts unsaid 